Passage to Eternity New Chapter
I just had a great idea. A couple of days ago I mentioned that I started writing the forth chapter of Passage to Eternity and, what do you know, I finished it. I’m mostly proud of this because is my first time trying to write in English and I presume I did a decent job.
Anyway, my great idea was for you to decide if indeed I did a good job, or if the whole thing is awful. Therefore, I’ll post the chapter below and await your comments on it. Please comment and be as harsh as you think I deserve you to be. I really need your opinion on this and it’s the only way I can think of to get it.
For those of you who either haven’t read the first three chapters or that simply don’t understand Romanian, here’s a short summary of what happened ‘till now.
The Cullens just moved to Forks and on his first day of school, Edward Cullen notices Isabella Swan. He is just a bit intrigued by her, as he can’t hear her mind as he does with everybody else. Though, Bella is in a relationship with Jacob Black, Edward finds himself thinking of her more and more every day.
A vision of Alice’s which portraits Bella lifeless in Edward’s arms, draws him away from Forks to Alaska where he spends the next couple of years thinking all day of Bella and having no contact with his family.
Edward returns home at the beginning of Bella’s third year of high school to find out the things have changed greatly. Alice and Bella are now very good friends and even if Bella doesn’t know that they are vampire she knows that there is something terrible wrong with the Cullens. Jacob, who is still Bella’s boyfriend, has turned into a werewolf and has great deal of trouble accepting Alice as Bella’s friend.
Edward finds himself having all sort of strange feelings regarding all that has happened while he was away, and realizes that the reason, for which even after two years Bella is still in his mind, is that he is in love with her. Alice tells him that the vision that she had two years prior, never changed, not even when Edward was away in Alaska, with no intention of ever coming back. Bella’s future death had absolutely nothing to do with him.
OK, so that’s the summary and now the forth chapter. It doesn’t have a name yet so if you have any suggestions just let me know through a comment.
PS: I forgot to mention that everything is from Edward’s point of view.
I felt the wind blowing my hair backwards as I ran towards noting and away from everything. I raced through the deep woods, up and down the mountains peaks, feeling the ground under my feet. Feeling as the ferns and moss got squashed under my weight and force.
I ran for minutes on end without ever thinking of my destination, or of the surroundings. I concentrated only on running, and nothing else. I needed no other thoughts. My mind was much too busy dissecting every word I have heard tonight and every feeling that I have experienced since returning home. How could I, a bloodsucking vampire, fall in love with her, a human girl that looked more as an angel than anything else did?
For the first time in what seemed like forever, I felt tired. I was tired not of running, not of covering miles and miles of ground, but of thinking. I got tired of agonizingly remembering everything. My brain was weary, just one-step away from giving up, from getting numb. I needed to relinquish it from this ordeal but every time I tried, I ended up failing.
Noting seemed to work for me anymore, not any of the old diversions that always used to help me. Neither did the smell of freshly blood that came from a few miles down west where a flock of stags stood, whose sweet aroma I could almost taste on the tip of my tongue. Nothing seemed to do it any more for me. Nothing succeeded in making her face vanish from my thoughts, nothing kept me from thinking of her.
I reviewed in my head repeatedly the image of her soft and fragile hand placed in mine by her father, Charlie. I remembered how her human heat was warming my ice-cold skin, and how the softness of her touch was stroking my stone-like hand. She seemed so pleased in my thoughts so happy to be touching me. There was no trace of fear, no ice-cold shivers. It was as if her hand has meant to sit in mine, as if we were meant for each other.
I had to shake those thoughts away. I needed to throw them as far away as I. Looking around me, I noticed that in my run I reached Seattle’s borderline. This was a good thing. The humans’ thoughts will fill my mind keeping me from slipping into my reflections of my own personal hell.
I listened carefully for any thoughts that I could hear. A housewife was thinking of what to make for dinner, one adolescent boy had not so decent thoughts regarding his girlfriend, a man was thinking the same thing regarding an unsuspecting girl, a woman thought sadly of her late husband. Hundreds of thoughts, some sad, some happy and some unmentionable. None of them holed any real interest for me.
I concentrated on the man’s thoughts thinking that this would surely distract me from my torture. His thoughts grew ever more disgusting. For a second I thought of leaving him to his loathsome thoughts, of blocking him from my mind, of moving on and of not carrying. Nevertheless, the mental picture the man offered, remained me of those many times when, during my rebellion form Carlisle and his way of life, I found myself attacking men that had similar thoughts. Just as then, I pitied the helpless girl too much to act uncaring. I started running towards the man, finding myself needing to save the girl.
With no one in sight, I reached the man in just a moment. I saw him leaning against the wall, looking across the street. His deep green eyes were cold and harsh. The eyes resembled ours when the thirst is at its pick. He seemed squalor, with all his clothes tread and filthy and smelling of beer and cheap whiskey. Still his bronze like hair was well groomed, contrasting deeply with the rest of his appearance.
He looked with interest at a young girl sitting with her boyfriend on a terrace, looking at the scenery. The two unsuspecting kids had no idea of what the man had in stored for them. They had the bad chance of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
The man thought of various ways of getting rid of the boy. If those wouldn’t work, he took into account the idea of killing him. His conscience didn’t even budge at the thought of murder. It wouldn’t be his first, that was a fact.
I gazed at the young girl for just a second and realized that she was extremely good looking for a human. Maybe too good looking, and apparently this was the reason why the man was determined even to kill the boy to have her.
I realized that the whole scenery was so familiar. It was like I have seen it before, and I had, in Rosalie’s thoughts. The characters were changed, but two elements were still there: the beauty and the beast.
The girl’s thoughts were clear and nice. She thought of not getting home too late and of her math exam. The boy was only thinking of her beauty. Across from them, the man was conceiving his plan. I stared at them for just a moment before hearing a growl.
At first I looked around, not understanding who had growled. A second growl, this time clearer and closer. The growl came as an answer to the man’s thoughts. I was the one growling, the monster in me actually, expecting his long overdue reword for saving all those girls many years ago. He wanted me to act the same. To hush away the children and then to move on the man, to corner him and them to suck him dry of every drop of blood.
A second was all I needed to lose any humanity that I still possessed. Just a second and the red-eyed monster, took over. I was again transformed in the predator I thought I managed to burry years ago, while the man and the kids were nothing to me but easy preys. My senses sharpen, making me hear every voice, every thought for miles. No one was close enough to witness the atrocity from which I was just one-step away. No one could stop me, no one could stop the monster. The two children and the man’s blood smelled much to sweet, much to alluring.
I started to feel the thirst burning through my throat like fire. My mouth was filling up with venom while my stomach hungered as an echo of the thirst that was ravishing my entire body. I now needed to feed one way or another and they were much too close.
My body crunched without the intervention of my mind. My senses did all the work now. I have become once more the predator I loathed for so many years. The monster had full control over my mind and instincts, and there was nothing I could do to stop him, nothing that anyone could do.
A buzzing sound came from my trousers’ pocket. My phone was ringing desperately. I know instinctively who it was. Alice has seen me kill the man, and probably the kids. I wasn’t going to answer it. My whole attention was directed towards them, my future victims. The red-eyed monster was in full control.
I saw their faces turning towards me with the sound made by my phone and through their thoughts, I saw my face. My golden eyes were now pitch-black; the perfect features of my face grew hideous. My lips were pulled up barring out the monster’s perfect weapons. I was becoming him. I felt him taking over me, down to my very last drop of humanity.
The phone stopped ringing. I had just minutes left to do my detestable did, before my family would reach me. I know that they were coming. The monster felt and feared them. I scanned the area for witnesses once more. No human that would be a threat to me. I looked once again at the unsuspecting victims. They weren’t unsuspecting anymore. The children feared me, just as they should, just as every human should, but not the man.
He stood there watching me, with no apprehension what so ever. He feared me not, yet I intrigued him. He saw me not as the monster that I have become but as a challenge that he would easily overcome. I saw through his eyes the sneer that emerged on to my face. The monster laughs inside of me, expectantly waiting for his blood.
With the corner of my eye, I noticed that the boy was distancing himself from his girlfriend, while trying to figure out all sorts of way of slipping off. The coward! He has truly considering the idea of letting her alone, of abandoning her for his own safety. What a despicable little boy! The monster grinned to me once more. The boy didn’t disserved to live a second longer, nor did the man, yet the small, fragile girl was innocent.
Detaching for just a second from the monster I took a better look at the young girl. She seemed so scared, so weak. I doubted that her fragile heart could stand to see me kill the two. She would certainly die of fear. She was too fragile for the world she lived in and certainly much too fragile for my world. I scanned her thoughts once more. She thought of her family, of causing them pain if anything was to happen tonight. Not even for a second did she think of her own safety. Not even for a second did she think of abandoning the boy and running, as he was doing.
She thought of him whit great affection. She thought of even sacrificing herself for him. She really loved him, and he did nothing to disserve that love. The monster howled with a thundering inner voice towards me. He needed blood and I was giving him nothing. For just an instance, he lost control over my mind and that was it.
I struggled to retake what he had stolen from me: my mind, my body and my thoughts. The monster fought with every ounce of strength, becoming weaker every passing moment. The boy keeping his eyes on me got the nerve to flee. The little girl was left alone, an easy victim, the monster kept repeating in my head. I blocked his words again and just an instant later, I was once again mine. I have managed to entomb him yet again.
The man was gazing at my face, not understanding what had happened. He noticed the small, almost undetectable changes on my face, and I did too through his eyes. My face was not harsh anymore, the sneer was nowhere in sight and the eyes still black where not as menacing anymore.
He concentrated on the girl again; I was not interesting to him no more. His thoughts were still as horrible as they were minutes ago, but now that the boy was nowhere in sight he’s gotten cockier. The girl was moving her eyes from me to him and back again, she realized what was to happen. Her mind created all the possible sceneries and none of them ended well for her, she would’ve died one way or another. By the man’s hand or by mine.
A much too sweet and pleasant scent reached me from away far. The lavender, honey and chocolate fragrances of my family were far, yet approaching very fast. Before the man would make a single move, they would be here and now that my own demon was tightly locked away, we could rid the world of another type of monster.
“Leave” I yelled towards the girl. She stood there looking at me in surprise. She was more terrified now that ever, “Now” I raised my voice even more. She looked at me again and then at the man that growled of anger. He turned towards me while the little girl ran out the alley into the street nearby. I heard her thought thanking me while here little fragile body was trying to keep moving along the road.
“What the…” the man screamed at me. He made his feet move for the very first time tonight. He shifted towards me with eyes full of rage.
“You should leave too,” I shouted back at him, “Just leave the girl alone!” I added.
“Why should I?” his feet kept moving menacing towards me. He thought he could kill me effortless. He has more buff than I was and surely, if I were human I would have had no chance. Nevertheless, I wasn’t human and thou my strength was not perceptible, it was far greater than his own. “Come and get me, if you can!” he added cynically.
“You should leave,” I repeated myself.
“I heard you the first time.” he grinned, “I’m not leaving. I lost a great piece of a…”
“Be more respectful,” I shouted, breaking off his speech.
“Fuck off,” he screamed starting to race towards me. He figured that he would manage hitting me before I realize what happened.
Jonny never lost a fight, and from the looks of this mite, I won’t start now. he thought while deciding to punch me in the left cheek.
His fist started towards me the same second I grabbed it, stopping him. He thought of hitting me with his left fist but I caught his thought and grabbed his other hand before he could make any move. Feeling my hard icy skin, he understood that I was not normal and fear overwhelmed him. His uninventive mind started to create different hypotheses of what I was. Of course, they were all off.
The sweet smell was now so close I could hear their steps and thoughts.
Edward, don’t do it, bro! Emmett thoughts screamed.
Edward! Carlisle called me.
He is full of emotions but none of them is murderous. Jasper concluded after scanning my every feeling.
“Edward” cried Carlisle aloud this time. The man I hold heard nothing as my father’s voice was much too low for human ears to hear.
“I’m not going to kill him!” I responded in the same way, moving my lips too fast for Jonny to see or hear anything. For him no time has passed at all, as all of this happened in less than a second. Before I finished my sentence Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle were next to me.
The man just now realized that the scenery had changed and that next to me three other pale skin men appeared from nowhere. His cockneys was now long gone while terror and fright took over.
“Carlisle” I whispered out my father’s name, “his noting more than just a cold blooded killer and rapist. We…”
“I’ll take care of him,” said Carlisle in a normal, human hearing, voice while grabbing the man’s arms unbinding them from mine. Jonny’s face was now as pale as ours was. He looked at me and Carlisle fearing for his life. He will never know just how close he has gotten to death tonight and how the pale skin man he was now fearing was his salvation.
My arms felt numb on both side of my body the second that Jasper embraced me in a tight grip. He knew much too well that I wasn’t a dangerous but no risk had to be taken anymore. He pushed me towards the street keeping his grip on me, while Emmett followed closely. We walked with human speed, not needing any more attention.
As soon as the city lights faded behind us, and Jasper let me go, we started running towards the mountains. Although the monster was safely locked, the thirst he left behind was ravaging. I needed feeding before any new contact with a human being, thus I couldn’t return to Forks yet.
We’re reached a herd of deer in no more than a minute and started feeding. Just then, I noticed that as me, Jasper and Emmett were much to thirsty also. Coming to rescue me they’ve put in danger everything, and yet they couldn’t care less. I was much too important to them.
“Hey, guys, when’s the last time you went hunting?”
“Does it matter?” asked Emmett lodging his teeth into another deer’s neck. Emmett had such a messy way of hunting. It’s almost like he liked to get blood all over his clothes. The blood sprouted out of the deer’s wound soaking his shirt and dripping on his pants. He let it gush for just a moment longer before he raised the corpse up to his mouth and started drinking.
“Like two or three weeks.” Jasper added while throwing aside the dear he feed on.
I heard Carlisle’s steps as he approached us. His scent came long before the sound, we were all expecting him. His thoughts were locked, not wanting to share with me his recent actions. He wasn’t good at this, and through his tries, a great number of images emerged. I saw the image of his try of reasoning with Jonny, his try to make him turn himself up.
I saw the man trying to fight Carlisle to escape. I saw how nothing helped and how as last resort Carlisle left him unconscious in front of the police station. I saw how as to get him in that state Carlisle was forced to break his leg and how of too much pain the man just fainted. He was ashamed of what he had done and mad of himself not coming more prepared. His thoughts got much to intimate for me to listen to, so I diverted my attention to Emmett’s lack of cleanness skills.
Emmett was just finishing his third deer when Carlisle reached us.
“What? You didn’t save any for me?” he grind towards Emmett, who’s face, if human, should have been all red.
“Emmett thinks of nobody but himself, especially when feeding!” Jasper replied laughing while straightening his clothes. Emmett growled at him, greatly amused. He never takes things personal and there is noting that he likes more than a good joke, maybe just a good hunt or a fight.
“Eh… that’s OK. I never liked cold blood anyhow and I’m not that thirsty.” he smiled at us, his face was bright and happy, but not the same could be said of his thoughts. He was sad and disappointed, just like I was. We both needed to talk about what happened but neither of us knew how to start.
“Bro, what the hell happened out there?” you could always count on Emmett for a not very tactful line. Nevertheless, this was just what we all needed: a starting phrase.
“I wish I could explain it better, but…” I took an instance to clear my thoughts before continuing “I needed to clear up my head of all the stuff I learned of… you know… the girl.” I said wavering.
“You mean, the fact that you’re in love with Isabella Swan?” asked Emmett grinning, again much too directly for my personal comfort. I felt the urge to hit him in the head with something, but that would only start a fight, and nothing could please Emmett more right now than fighting with someone that could match his strength.
“So, I needed some time away from all these thoughts and Seattle seemed like a good idea. I thought that all the thoughts there would distract me from my own. I came across that guy’s thoughts and…”
“You’ve lost it!” Emmett grinned towards me. His thoughts were not at all as sadistic as his words and still he made me feel the most repellent being that has ever walked this earth. And I was right to fell this way. I was just seconds from becoming once again a monster, just seconds from dishonoring my father, his beliefs. Beliefs that I have shared for such a long time. I was despicable and horrible and I shouldn’t feel in any way different from what I felt.
“I guess you’re right!” I answered him while Jasper was amazed of the conflicting emotions that rushed through my body. My father stood there still, saying not even a word, thinking of nothing, just repeating in his head everything he just heard Emmett and me say. He didn’t want to analyze my actions as not to judge them. He felt he hasn’t worthy of judging while his own past was nothing that he took any pride in.
He was so wrong, much too wrong. Carlisle was the most humane vampire I had ever meet, if the idea of a humane vampire was even possible, and nothing that he has ever done compared to my disgusting past. He never killed a human unless there was no other way. He never took a life without regretting it. He said a prayer at the beginning of every hunt, because for him even a deer’s life was more precious than his own was.
“You’re damn sure I’m right! If my heart was still beating, I would have had a heart attack caused by stress. I was certain we would find you soaked in human blood with crimson eyes hanging over the guy’s lifeless body.” Emmett was never more affected by his own words than he was now. I truly scared him, and if he was scared, the though and fierce Emmett, I could only imagine what the others went through.
“Look, guys, I’m sorry! I don’t know what came over me. I was just…” I thought I knew what should be said but in the end, the words just disappeared. I couldn’t finish my own thought. I paused looking towards them, searching an answer hid inside them. The silence was so freakish I could not stand it any second longer.
Again, I felt the need to run away from them, to be alone, but that is not going to happen any time soon. They were determined to never leave my sight until they could be certain that I was no menace.
I swallowed down my pride and lowered my head defeated. I did not understand a single thing of all that happened and moreover I had now to endure a permanent guard. That meant the end of my alone time, that I loved so much and of any possibility of realizing what had happen.
Nobody talked again before reaching the house. Their thoughts were mixed and as confused as mine were. After a while, I stopped listening and focused on one thing: Bella’s white, silky, fragile hand place into mine. Fire and Ice.